Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng

Everything I never Told You by Celeste Ng

Everything I Never Told You

Author: Celeste Ng

Release Date: June 26, 2014

Pages: 304

Content notes: Appropriate for Ya and adults 

“The things that go unsaid are often the things that eat at you--whether because you didn't get to have your say, or because the other person never got to hear you and really wanted to.” 

When I was in college reading Swan’s Way by Proust (impressive..right?), my professor said that in every relationship there is a “loved” and a “beloved.” She went on further to ask which would we rather be. What a difficult question! Well, in this book you quickly figure out which character is the beloved one, and while reading further into the book you decide that maybe (to answer my professor’s question) you do not want to be either the loved or the beloved, and I will explain what I mean about this later.


In this book we find a racially mixed family from the 1970’s in crisis. The parents are suffering from generational anguish. There is the father, Philip Lee, who descended from Chinese parents and even though he was born in America he suffers from being “different.” He also suffers from memories (and the guilt) of his parent’s struggles. He is an “Oriental” who knows first-hand about racial comments and attitudes. Then, there is the mother, Marilyn, who planned to become a doctor, but before she could finish her undergrad degree became pregnant. It is difficult to fathom today, but Philip’s and Marilyn’s marriage is taboo and maybe even illegal in some parts of the country. Philip wants to fit in the American dream by having a beautiful American family complete with a wife who does not need to labor at a job (like his mother), and Marilyn wants to be different by becoming something very uncommon in the 1970’s: a woman doctor. On top of all that, they never voice their needs, wants, or dreams to each other even though they are very much in love. They have three children, the high achieving but forgotten Hath, the invisible Hannah, and their beloved middle child Lydia. AND, the story starts out with “Lydia is dead, but they don’t know this yet.”


These uncommunicative parents have uncommunicative children. The reader knows what is going on, but unfortunately the characters do not. You know that this family is full of decent people, but they just can not work through or understand their problems…and they make more problems for themselves at almost every turn.


As the reader, I wanted to shake these parents and say, “talk to each other!!!” And, “talk to your children!!” I wanted to say, “tell her…” or “tell him…”


When these parents started out as young newlyweds, they decided to leave the past behind and start anew. They wanted the past to stay in the past. However, the past has a way of encroaching and invading the future, especially if it ignored. In this story, the past slaps everyone around and the results are disastrous.


Back to my professor’s question. If you are the “beloved one" or if you are the “loved one,” both of you need to talk and through communication, LEVEL the relationship a bit. Make it more equal or maybe even symbiotic. Otherwise you could be headed for problems. Read this sad and heart-wrenching story and take it as a cautionary tale.

SPOILER ALERT: (please do not read this until you read the book)

Some people are saying that after reading the book, they still are not sure about Lydia's death. I say her death is exactly like the rest of the book....failure to communicate.  Right before she dies, Lydia thinks about how she will change things. She will tell her mom, dad, and everyone else the truth about her feelings. She thinks everything will be great if she has the strength to do this great communication. All she has to do is jump out of the boat, face her fear of water, and kick her way back to the dock. But the sad fact is, she does not have the strength to do any of these things. She knows this in her heart, and she knows the outcome of her actions. Even at this time, before her death, she fails to communicate with herself. She can not overcome her fear of water,  she can not do this "great communication," and she can not go on with the pressure of being her parents' beloved. It is the suicide of a child who really does not wish to die, but does not have the strength or maturity to find a better solution.